Each chapter of this book by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson has scripture readings and some assignments. I have always tried to live transparently, but I know that some still do not know that others struggle with the same things they do, so at the risk of being too transparent, and too “out there” I am going to attempt to blog my way through it. I am in no way trying to take their work and claim it as my own. The questions, for certain are theirs, but my application of them is mine, and, prayerfully, the revelation of the Holy Spirit into my life. I am praying for a fresh wind here, and welcome it most passionately. I do not want to live a life that feels desperate. I want to live in the full joy that the Lord intends for the daughter of the King.
Am I alone in my role as mother? Yes, in some ways I am. I have more than the usual number of children, I have admittedly gotten in the habit of trying to eliminate excess time outside the house, and in many ways, lost friendships as well. I am quite content that I am where God is calling me to be, but it can be lonely.
Since God did create me to be a mother and is present with me each step of the way, I should live confidently- sure that all my needs will be met and that he withholds no good thing from me. When I have needs I perceive to be unmet, it is only because through God’s grace he has determined it is not ultimately for my good. Oh, heavenly father, forgive me when I am sad for things I do not have. I admit that I have a heart that longs for things at times that we neither can afford, nor need. In this season of motherhood, there are so many more important things.
God does know when I am weary. I am reminded once again that if it were his perfect will, no one would wake me up at night. The children would sleep longer and I would get to bed earlier. However, in addition to these things that impede my rest, I must take some responsibility as well. I need to see when I choose not to sleep and instead pursue other things(foolish things).
In the midst of this time, I must learn to seek and find rest for my soul when weary. My strength comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
The things currently causing me fear, anxiety or weariness:
- Baby up frequently at night
- Concern for Anne Mary and Duncan as they prepare for their mission trip
- Worry for Sarah as she enters the young lady years
- Concern for Christina
- Visitation for our grand daughter with her father
- My parents, both elderly and in frail health
- My mother and her comfort with her dialysis, her heart troubles, and her mental stability (depression)
- Finances: There always seem to be more money than needed (see above)- I know this is not true, but it feels that way.
- Children and their futures (education, character training, their future spouses)
- Time to do all things (cleaning, cooking, paying bills, keeping on top of the business, educating the children, mothering the children)
- Being a godly wife
- Having time for my husband
- Finding a Titus 2 type of mentor, and being one as well
- The need for friends.
There are other needs as well, that are not really suitable for public posting, but the Lord knows them.
Oh Lord, give me wisdom, show me resources, please give me guidance so that my own character will be improved and that I may seek your face in all these areas. Lord, when I worry, I make you small, and the things of this world look awfully big. Forgive me for this, and teach me your ways.