Guest post from Mary Moore, my mother.
I have been married for 53 years, and for the last 19 years, deeply involved in the leadership of Retrouvaille, a Christian peer-ministry program for marriages in crisis. We have grown so much in our marriage since we joined the Retrouvaille program, but I recently became aware of a serious sin issue that has continually hurt our marriage since the beginning.
I realized that for 53 years, I have been trying to change him. How arrogant I am to think I could do better at making him than God, our Creator.
Of course, I know, intellectually, the only one I can change is me. But now, I know it in my heart. Our God can be so gentle and patient with his children. He knew just the right time to reveal to me my sin- letting me see how unloving and undeserving I have been and for waiting until I could handle the revelation.
My husband, Norm has always worked hard for me and our 5 children without complaint. He is still working full-time after 2 coronary by-passes. He rarely spends any money on himself. Whatever I want, he tries to provide it. He is gentle and kind. He nurses me when I am feeling ill and does far more than his share of household chores, cooking, and laundry without complaint.
When we go to church services or to the mall, he holds my hand or puts his arm around me. I feel cherished and loved. He tells me how he loves seeing my face light up when I talk about our grandchildren (which is often).
He has made mistakes. I don’t think any human beings can say they never made mistakes. Instead of seeing him as a wonderful husband who is not perfect, I judged him by his mistakes. I judged myself by my good intentions even though I had made just as serious errors. It does not sound like measure-for-measure.
When I married Norm, I thought my life was complete. Then God sent us children. Being a mother was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me until I became a grandmother. I have learned many things from my children and grandchildren. If you read “Coveralls,” you will see that my youngest daughter, Malia, knew what a wonderful father she had much sooner than I realized what a wonderful husband God had sent me.
It is humbling to acknowledge the years it has taken me to realize I am responsible for my responses.
I get it now!
I am resigning from the one-person Norm-improvement committee and dedicating myself to enjoying our remaining years together, celebrating all our blessings and joys.
Notes from Malia:
My parents attended a Retrouvaille weekend about 20 years ago and by the grace of God and with their newly learned tools, their marriage was transformed. From that point, they have stayed involved in the ministry in one form or another since then, and continually strive to have a godly marriage. Retouvaille is truly for a marriage in crisis. If this describes your marriage- there is hope! God does not want His people to live in ungodly marriages or in divorce. This program has provided the tools to save many couples from that pain and helped them move into good, appropriate and pleasant relationships with one another. To find out more, you can contact Retrouvaille through: