On Saturday morning I woke with a very achy low back. My right hip was kind of “locked” up, something which had happened periodically for the entire pregnancy. At this point I was 40 weeks, 6 days pregnant. Of course I had all kinds of advice coming my way such as: Castor oil, teas, herbs, [...]
Excellent question. Before a child has the freedom to debate or question my decisions, they must show that at least about 90% of the time they accept my authority and decisions. This can be fairly young or may be something that is established well when they are young, but they lose it as they get older.
Once they have proven they will obey you, you may give them a safe and appropriate way to ask you for more information or to share their own different ideas. In our home, they do not get to just throw the question WHY? back at the end of a command. They must (in a respectful tone ask: “May I please ask you why?” Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is no. The true test of whether they accept your authority is when you say “No.” A morally responsible child will then proceed to do as you asked. You see, many children just say why as a form of argument. But as they grow older, they really do sometimes want to understand your decisions.
Tonight, for example Sarah asked if she could leave the house and go to a friend’s house a couple of streets over. My answer was no. She immediately asked “May I please ask you why?” and I explained that I thought it would be getting dark soon and she needed to be geting ready for bed since it was Sunday and I usually have them go to bed a little earlier. At this point, she said, “Okay” and although she was not happy about my decision, she was respectful of it.
Now, other times she may share more information with me. I have the right to take that into consideration or not. On another similar night she asked if she could go outside and I gave essentially the same answer. Then she said: Several kids are playing basketball here right on the street. Would it be okay if I joined them for as long as you say it is okay? If you call me outside I will be able to hear you.” This seemed sensible to me, so I allowed it. However, if she had been snotty or rude with my initial answer of “no” then she would have lost the ability to share more information. Does that make sense?
Precious mother:
What are you waiting for? As a mother to four children, ages 19,12,9, 5 and one on the way is just a few days, I have had what seems like a lifetime’s worth of experience in waiting.
I have waited for:
Delivery of all my children
Finances
Test results
Character issues to be resolved
Hurts to heal
Job offers
College admission
A prodigal [...]
I have mentioned our homemade bread a few times recently due to David’s elimination diet. I have little choice but to make all our own bread, waffles, tortilla shells, rolls, pizza crusts, etc for him due to the LONG list of allergies he was recently given. But, even before that we have been making and [...]
